Imagine for a moment that everyone in the world was suddenly a billionaire. Christmas would transform into a festival of financial excess—think diamond-studded chess sets and vacations to the Moon. But alas, we remain grounded in reality, which means it’s time to channel our inner Scrooge and reconsider some more pragmatic gift options. Nonetheless, dreaming is free, so let’s indulge in a little fantasy shopping while chucking in some relatable picks.
1. Your own personal flying vehicle
Expensive:
Let’s face it: cars are the old dinosaurs of personal transportation. You could pull up in a Tesla or a classic supercar, but who really wants to melt into a sea of “normal”? Now, your very own personal eVTOL (electric vertical take-off and landing) aircraft like the Jetson ONE? That’s how you turn heads—specifically, necks craning upwards in awe. Despite its gaming chair vibes, this flying contraption is a marvel of modern engineering. And no, you don’t require a pilot’s license, thanks to its onboard computer. Though you might want to keep your flying adventures limited to your sprawling estate—sorry, no public joyrides.
Jetson One, Buy now for £77,300
Affordable:
If you want to feel the thrill of flight but don’t have a cool £77,000 lying around, there’s always the DJI Avata. This little marvel lets you experience first-person flight via VR goggles, as you zip and dive through the sky, making even the birds jealous. No, you won’t actually be airborne, but it’s the thought that counts—and it only starts at £499. For the price of a few fancy dinners, you can have your friends wondering if you’re secretly a superhero.
DJI Avata, Buy now from £499
Expensive:
Feeling fancy? Why not invest in a football team? It’s become the trendy thing for celebrities like David Beckham and Ryan Reynolds. Sure, you might have to shell out billions for a major club, but if you start small, you can “own” something that just screams “I’ve made it!” Nothing says “Happy Holidays” quite like the impending doom of relegation nightmares. A decent slice of genuine football history will set you back at least half a million. Just ignore the fact that it might come with all the stress of managing a floundering team.
Football teams, Buy now from £500,000
Affordable:
If the idea of actually dealing with players and fans sounds overwhelming, you can opt for a more budget-friendly management experience with EA FC 24. It’s available on all platforms, so now you can pretend to be a sports mogul for just £69.99—complete with zero relegation worries. Your virtual teams will appreciate the negative equity, while you sip hot cocoa in your pajamas.
EA FC 24, Buy now for £69.99
3. An out-of-this-world wallet
Expensive:
Now, if you’re planning to flash some significant cash and impress the locals, consider the Bejeti Planetesimal wallet, crafted from meteorites, priced at a cool $29,500. Keep in mind it only holds three cards, so perhaps you’d best choose the most exclusive of your plastic companions. Good luck trying to pay for your groceries with this status symbol—you’ll look like the villain of a low-budget sci-fi movie. Who needs function when you can have an accessory that screams, “I’m rich and I enjoy existential crises”?
Bejeti Planetesimal, Buy now for £23,000
Affordable:
For those still clinging to sanity, consider the Bellroy Hide & Seek wallet at a much more palatable £85. It may not be imbued with cosmic energy, but it’s practical, with space for all your essentials and RFID protection. Plus, you won’t be the star of a trending viral meme when you whip this out at the supermarket checkout.
Bellroy Hide and Seek, Buy now for £85
5. A life worthy of turning into a film
Expensive:
Ever thought, “My life would make a gripping feature film?” Well, so has everyone from aspiring directors to family members required to tolerate your life stories. Simply drop some casual hints about wanting a cinematic bio-piece crafted by Narrative Trust for around £121,000. They’ll dig deep into your existence and cobble together a heartwarming epic featuring your Instagram photos, complete with dramatic soundtrack. Just make sure no one learns how many times you’ve binge-watched your guilty pleasure shows.
Narrative Trust Film, Buy now for $150,000 (roughly £121,000)
Affordable:
For the budget-conscious or those slightly less narcissistic, a charming scrapbook might suffice. Nothing screams sentimental quite like flipping through physical photos—or, if you prefer convenience, an Amazon Echo Show that can showcase digital memories for just £59.99. Both options won’t require you to hire a film crew, and you won’t unintentionally reveal your most embarrassing moments.
Amazon Echo Show 8, Buy now for £59.99
6. A real-life transformer
Expensive:
What do you buy for the friend who already has a garage full of exotic cars? Surely, another sports car sounds too pedestrian, right? Why not splurge on a $3 million robot that can transform into a car? Yes, you read that correctly—it’s a massive 14.8-foot tall robot with all sorts of buttons and levers guaranteed to confuse and impress anyone who glances at it. When in doubt, it can lift, crush, and, let’s be honest, probably destroy anything in your garden.
Tsubame Archax, Buy now for £3 million
Affordable:
For those of us without an astronomical budget, consider the Petoi Bittle, a little pocket-sized robot dog for merely £229. This charming creature allows wannabe engineers to build and program it to perform tricks, all without the mess of traditional pet ownership. No walks required—just don’t forget to feed it with bytes instead of kibble!
Petio Bittle, Buy now for £229
7. Jet fuel coffee
Expensive:
For the coffee aficionado who also craves aviation aesthetics, there’s the Aviatore Veloce Turbojet coffee-maker, a lightweight beauty priced at £17,808. Sure, it’s not a functional jet engine by any means, but it’ll look fantastic on your counter. If your daily brew doesn’t scream, “I’m living life at full throttle!” then what’s the point?
Aviatore veloce Turbojet, Buy now for £17,808
Affordable:
Prefer something with actual coffee-making capabilities? The De’Longhi Stilosa coffee machine is just £126 and capable of making delicious espressos and frothy cappuccinos. It may not be shaped like a jet engine, but it’s sleek, stylish, and far easier to wrap up for a birthday or Christmas present. Plus, it won’t alarm health and safety professionals.
De’Longhi Stilosa, Buy now for £126
8. A quarter past rich
Expensive:
Nothing shouts “I’m better than you” like wearing a watch that costs as much as a house and has a design so complex you’d need an engineering degree to decipher it. The Girard-Perregaux Quasar Azure Tourbillon will set you back a whopping £289,000. Sure, it might not tell time accurately, but who cares when you can flaunt about your wealth? Who needs practicality in a timepiece when you have multi-million-pound aesthetics?
Girard-Perregaux Quasar Azure Tourbillon, Buy now for £289,000
Affordable:
For the rest of us still adhering to car payments and grocery bills, the Casio A163WA-1QES offers retro charm for just £32.90. It lacks the fancy bells and whistles but comes with practical features like a backlight, alarm, and a stopwatch. Plus, it won’t make you weep if you misplace it. Talk about classy!
Casio A163WA-1QES, Buy now for £32.90
9. A trip to the Moon
Expensive:
Do you really want to push the limits of your holiday budget? How about a trip to the Moon for a mere £150 million? Sure, you won’t actually land, but floating around our celestial neighbor will land you bragging rights in every social circle. Just imagine the stories you could tell—after the initial shock of your friends’ disbelief wears off!
Affordable:
For those with a tad more common sense, grab a copy of *Sky at Night: Book of the Moon* for just £12. It’s as close to lunar adventures as many are willing to go, and not a single seatbelt necessary. Plus, you won’t be taste-testing any suspiciously bland space food either!
Sky at Night: Book of the Moon, Buy now for £12
10. A chess set worthy of a king and queen
Expensive:
Chess enthusiasts, rejoice! You can now purchase the world’s most extravagant chess set, the Pearl Royale, for a staggering $3.1 million. Each piece is worth about £62,500, likely because they are encrusted with enough diamonds to instigate a national eye exam crisis. Just remember: don’t let anyone near this set unless they have insurance and an extraordinary level of responsibility!
The Pearl Royale, Buy now for £3,100,000
Affordable:
Not overflowing with cash? You can still gift a beautiful wooden chess set for less than £100. It’s hand-crafted, stylish, and comes with extra kings and queens—perfect for the player who might misplace their royal pieces. Talk about a budget win!
Regency Chess Set, Buy now for £99
11. A euphoric headphone experience
Expensive:
For an earful of rich sounds, consider splurging on the Sennheiser HE-1 headphones. At an eye-popping £54,000, these headphones are not just a listening device; they’re an entire status system—complete with impressive tubes poking from their giant amplifier. You’ll be the mastermind behind music gatherings where your friends compare notes on treble, mids, and bass. Just don’t expect anyone to care about how fabulous your sound quality is when the price tag garners the real attention.
Sennheiser HE-1, Buy now for £54,000
Affordable:
Limited funds? No problem! The Sony WH-1000XM5 headphones, retailing at £279, offer fantastic sound quality without the sadistic price. They boast top-notch noise cancellation, ensuring you can enjoy your favorite tunes without overhearing all the family drama on Christmas Day. Who needs an amplifier made of marble anyway?
Sony WH-1000XM5, Buy now for £279
