Author: Nianqing, ChainCatcher
Happy New Year! As we usher in the final moments of 2024, one has to wonder: how will you spend this grand finale? Perhaps with a cocktail of nostalgia and regret?
If tonight feels like a stroll through the bizarre bazaar of cryptocurrency antics, let’s take a peek at the offerings:
This April, you witnessed a rare rainstorm turn Dubai’s desert into a waterpark—who knew Mother Nature had such a flair for surprise? By September, A-shares leaped over 3300 points, prompting you to furiously cash out, clutching your newfound fortune much like a toddler with a cookie. November saw you sweating bullets at the Ethereum Devcon in Thailand, hastily mending your T-shirt with duct tape to dodge potential robberies (fashion at its finest). Come December, as Bitcoin soared past $100,000—who’d have thought your little garage investment would gain celebrity status? Your friends flooded your social media with envy, convinced you’ve struck gold, while you stifled tears of modesty: “Just a small victory, really.”
This year, you’ve evolved from a crypto novice to an astute consumer—a journey that’s clearly made your cognitive dimension a tad more ambitious. Here’s a summation of your investment sentiments for 2024: Same flowers, different year, and still desperately trying to break even in this wild crypto circus.
In the spirit of this special occasion, ChainCatcher has compiled a list of events that highlight the festive atmosphere beyond “financial nonsense.” Think of it as your annual Christmas newsletter from the cryptosphere, but with more sarcasm and less heartfelt sentimentality. (Disclaimer: This article solely reflects the author’s twisted sense of humor. If you stumble upon darker, more comical stories, don’t hesitate to mock them on the X platform and tag @ChainCatcher_.)
Vitalik: Father of the Internet Celebrity Hippo Moo Deng
September brought the rise of Moo Deng, a two-month-old pygmy hippo in Chonburi, Thailand. His antics with zookeepers turned him into a viral sensation, much like that cat video you refuse to confess you watch. This hippo fever spurred a slew of memecoins, because nothing says financial wisdom like investing in a coin named after a baby animal. Vitalik, having received an airdrop of MOODENG tokens, decided to play the market like a pro, selling off his tokens for a hefty drop of over 70%. But in a move that would make any soap opera villain proud, he later visited Moo Deng, resulting in a miraculous price spike—because clearly, the market is run by sentiments and cuddly animals.
The twist? While doling out 10 million Thai Baht to support Moo Deng’s future, Vitalik also cleverly reserved 88 ETH for her and her “posse.” All the while, it’s worth noting that he pocketed a whopping 61.7 billion MOODENG tokens—conveniently making him a millionaire. Let this be a lesson: join the meme game, and your net worth might just blossom like a well-watered flower.
Solana’s Breakpoint: A Satirical Masterpiece
August rolled around, and Solana dropped a promo video titled “Breakpoint: not your average crypto conference.” This gem prompted a collective eye-roll within the crypto community, pointing fingers at how industry summits often feature more speakers than attendees. It’s a festival of jargon where the audience is more interested in free merchandise than actual innovation—a true spectacle of self-deprecation that amassed over a million views (because who doesn’t enjoy a good roast?). Solana’s actual Breakpoint event in September was a surprising hit, living up to its own predictions.
November brought a follow-up with a video titled “Build for users, not VCs,” which read like a heartfelt letter for a long-lost love—a love clearly rejected during the previous video. Cue the endless strings of buzzwords, and voilà! The crypto circus continues. Viewers could only laugh and nod, stroking their virtual beards as the industry critiques itself. Talk about cosmic irony.
When Crypto Founders Fight: The Real-Life Showdown
On October 11, two heavyweights in the crypto sphere, Kain Warwick and David Hoffman, stepped into the boxing ring in Salt Lake City, literally taking their online disputes offline. This curious event was sponsored by Permissionless and Karate Combat, held together like a poorly executed reality show. It kicked off after some heated online exchanges that escalated into a $500,000 betting agreement—because nothing says “let’s resolve our differences” like fisticuffs.
The fight lasted less than ten minutes—less time than it takes to cook a simple frozen dinner. Spoiler alert: David came out on top, proving that crypto knowledge doesn’t necessarily correlate with physical prowess. The crypto community erupted, half cheering, half questioning why they tuned in at all.
A Brooklyn Spa Mines Bitcoin: Genius or Madness?
Meanwhile, in Brooklyn, a bathhouse turned its warm-water dreams into a mining operation. Yes, you read that right. To offset staggering electric bills (peaking at $20,000 a month), the owners decided to mine Bitcoin. It seems that nothing is too absurd when you blend the warmth of a hot spring and the cold calculations of cryptocurrency. And they didn’t stop with 12 machines—oh no, they upgraded to 14 for their new Flatiron location, generating a hefty 2,600 THz of computing power.
While they bask in the glow of their Bitcoin mining income, the founders insist they’re merely exercising engineering savvy. Spoiler alert: they still haven’t sold a single satoshi because storing Bitcoin has purportedly made them the darlings of crypto enthusiasts everywhere—who cares about liquidity when you can bask in digital immortality?
Bitcoin Hits $100k: FT Offers an Apology
December 5 marked the day Bitcoin shattered its previous records, breaching the $100,000 mark. In a twist worthy of a meme, the Financial Times publicly apologized in an amusing letter titled “Hodlers: an apology.” It detailed their prior skepticism—because everyone loves a mea culpa mixed with a side of sarcasm. In their defense, they claim it was all for your own good; who needed foresight when you had their cautionary tales?
In a masterclass of British humor, the evidently tongue-in-cheek letter suggested that if you ever hesitated to invest because of their advice, they extend a heartfelt “sorry”—and for those still confused, they dislike traditional finance as much as crypto. This self-mocking maneuver reminded us of the cautious investor, awkwardly backpedaling while trying to maintain the air of authority.
Airdrop Shenanigans: LayerZero Gets Saucy
In a world where airdrops have morphed into a gladiatorial arena, LayerZero decided to up the ante this June with its $100 million airdrop. After a month-long hunt for the “best” users—a process that could only be likened to hunting for the last slice of pizza—they rolled out the most ridiculed “insulting airdrop.” This initiative filtered applicants through a witch-hunt style verification process, leaving many participants bewildered and, dare I say, insulted.
Of course, during the claiming process, they threw in a “donation mechanism”—because nothing screams “free money” like having to pay for it. It was essentially a digital “pay-to-play” scheme disguised as community kindness.
