In a twist that might leave even the best late-night comedians questioning the state of the universe, John Oliver has dubbed CBS’ decision to cancel “The Late Show With Stephen Colbert” as “terrible news for the world of comedy.” Well, it’s nice to see someone still cares—perhaps we can form a support group for distraught comedy enthusiasts.
Speaking to the Associated Press while attending the Erie Moon Mammoths game (yes, it’s the minor league team rebranded by Oliver himself—because nothing screams “comedic genius” quite like a baseball team with a name that sounds made up), he expressed his profound sorrow over the show’s impending doom. “I’m partly excited to see what they’re going to do for the next 10 months,” he mused. Perhaps a magic show? A tour of America’s most mundane storage facilities?
Oliver’s emotional rollercoaster continued. “Obviously I love Stephen, I love the staff, I love that show. It’s incredibly sad,” he lamented. If only CBS had understood that “love” doesn’t translate into currency, we might still have these delightful late-night gems to sustain us through our existential crises.
The announcement came sweeping in like a tornado set on a financial quest, with CBS attributing the cancellation to a “purely financial decision.” Oh, the classics! Who knew that the aforementioned “financial decision” meant sacrificing laughs for the almighty dollar? Perhaps they should try selling mood lighting instead; it might attract a more cheerful audience.
Speculations fluttered, as gossip does in Hollywood. Could it be Colbert’s biting political commentary putting CBS on the list of “companies to avoid” for the power players? Especially as David Ellison from Skydance Media is poised to take the reins at CBS’s parent company. Maybe we should alert the comedy gods to send a satire-based apology to the almighty dollar for its hilarious failings.
Oliver reminisced fondly about his late-night adventures, describing them as a gateway to a “glamorous world.” Nothing says glamour quite like the inability to sleep coupled with depression-induced late-night pizza binges while watching TV. Truly the fabric of dreams!
But don’t worry folks; Oliver is optimistic—or perhaps just caffeinated—about Colbert’s future. “It’s very, very sad news,” he concluded, “but I’m looking forward to seeing what [Colbert’s] going to do next because that man will not stop.” Let us all pray Colbert finds the light at the end of this tunnel, preferably one lined with gold coins or a Netflix deal. At least there’s always hope for a comeback tour, right? Or he could always start a podcast—everybody loves a good podcast, don’t they?
Joining the lamenting bandwagon, Jimmy Kimmel took to Instagram to express his love for Colbert while simultaneously throwing shade at CBS. If social media were a campfire, the roast would be off the charts right now. Let’s gather around and watch the sparks fly!
