Parallel parking: the skill once revered and now relegated to the annals of driving history. As urban designs evolve, cities increasingly declare war on parallel parking, much like that unfortunate cousin who shows up uninvited. With more BMVs across America dropping parallel parking from driving tests, one can’t help but wonder: will our future roads be devoid of this noble art?
Enter Daniel Lyman and Casey Schreiner, two Portland residents, and their partner-in-crime, Stefanie Lynch. In a world where parking skills dwindle, they launched a colorful block party that’s less about camaraderie and more about competition, aptly dubbed the Parallel Parking Contest. Yes, it’s just as absurd as it sounds! Inspired by a similar event in Pittsburgh (a city renowned for, well, not driving), our trio transformed their neighborhood into a parallel parking coliseum.
Picture this: artisans of parking were marked by chalk on the sidewalk, and strategically placed pool noodles lined the unfortunate bystanders’ vehicles. Judges even went the extra mile (or inch) to shield backup cameras with cardboard, because heaven forbid someone gain a legitimate advantage while making a spectacle of themselves! Automatic parking? A resounding ‘no thank you.’ Let’s keep it real, folks—who needs those fancy gadgets, anyway?
According to a thrilling report from Good Morning America (which we’re assuming aired during prime time, given the stakes), over 50 participants came out to showcase their vanishing skills, including a pint-sized champion behind the wheel of a toy G-Wagen. Points were awarded based on vehicle length; so, if you strolled up in a massive Ford F-250 and still pulled off a decent parking maneuver, sweet victory could be yours. And yes—there’s a glorious trophy at stake: a gilded Subaru, naturally.
Having experienced the joys of parallel parking myself—because who doesn’t relish cramming a gargantuan SUV into a space that leaves bystanders breathless?—this endeavor truly warms my heart. Sure, it takes a bit of practice, a modeling career in keeping your finesse intact, and, of course, a healthy sense of humor when you inevitably bump into that imaginary line. But alas, nothing beats the satisfaction of carving out a niche for your vehicle in the urban jungle.
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