Joe’s Hunter Lies
Ah, the melodrama of Hunter Biden! The voicemail revelation involving President Biden and his son unfolds like a suspenseful soap opera, leaving us on the edge of our seats—or possibly just rolling our eyes (“It’s the Smoking Voicemail by Joe,” Miranda Devine, June 28).
Let’s talk about President Biden’s incredible talent for spinning tall tales. It’s like he’s auditioning for a role in a gripping thriller—only instead of the truth, he insists on rehearsing a script where he knows nothing about his son’s dubious overseas escapades. Honestly, if denial were an Olympic sport, Biden would take home the gold.
What truly adds to this Shakespearean tragedy is the possibility of our beloved Commander-in-Chief being tied to China, our world-class rival, all because of Hunter’s shadowy financial ventures. Imagine that dinner conversation! “So, Mr. President, how’s your son’s business?” “Oh, just fantastic. How about I invite the Chinese over for tea?” Time for a full-blown investigation into the merry-go-round we call the Biden family “business.”
Jail for Ghislaine
Meanwhile, in the land of unrepentant protagonists, we have Ghislaine Maxwell, Jeffrey Epstein’s sidekick extraordinaire (“Finally!” June 29). She has an uncanny ability to lure in young girls, turning them into human party favors. What a skill!
In the grand courtroom drama, her plea that her father’s past abuse made her an easy target for Epstein’s nefarious plans was tossed aside like last season’s wardrobe. Maxwell chose to deliver a non-apology, mourning the imperishable stain of her connection to Epstein. Aww, how tragic!
Yet, court records revealed Epstein filled her account with $30 million—surely the stain is more than just metaphorical. She’s like a walking, talking cautionary tale on how to deal irreparable harm to countless lives, all while cashing the checks. Marvel at her talent!
Climate’s Victims
Now, let’s pivot to climate change and its not-so-pleasant history. While it has its share of ugly past interactions, the current narrative is alive and kicking (“Enviros vs. You,” Glenn Harlan Reynolds, PostOpinion, June 27). Ironically, the elite seem hell-bent on blocking renewable energy sources like wind and solar, citing their views. What’s next? Complaining about the sound of wind while sipping their artisanal lattes?
In truth, the poor and working-class populations bear the brunt of fossil fuel pollution. Just think: living near highways or heavy industries is like buying a ticket to the “Funeral of Your Health” show. Asthma? Check. Early death? Double check. These dangers disproportionately wreak havoc on black communities. So, while the elites debate from their lofty towers, the rest are gasping for clean air.
Scary Joe
And then there’s the delightful spectacle of President Biden’s communication style. His reliance on notes, constant stammering, and the look of “please direct me” is straight out of a sitcom (“Take note, Joe!” June 25). Could you imagine if your dentist fumbled through instructions like that? You’d run for the hills!
But this isn’t just any old job—we’re talking about the President of the United States. With everything Biden and his team have done since taking office, is it really surprising the nation feels like a sinking ship? Let’s hold hands and pray that we don’t capsize before the journey ends.
Crime Carousel
On the topic of comical misadventures, let’s discuss the criminal justice system that seems to favor the soft approach—like handing out participation trophies (“100 arrests and counting,” June 27). Michelle McKelley has been arrested and released roughly 100 times. I mean, is there a secret prize for hitting triple digits?
What’s the magic number for repeat offenders to face consequences? Is there an “Arrest-A-Thon” league happening that I wasn’t invited to? Perhaps we should consider why people are clamoring to escape the city like it’s the last train out.
So, as we wrap up this delightful exploration of contemporary absurdities, the overarching questions remain: What’s it going to take for our systems to wake up? And will the American ship make it to shore—or simply drift into the sunset?
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