Planning for Profit: The Zoning Commission’s Latest Shenanigans
Ah, the Westminster Planning & Zoning Commission—where every meeting is like a reality show but with fewer plot twists. On Thursday, in a fit of imagination worthy of a Saturday morning cartoon, they recommended that our ever-busy mayor and the esteemed common council give a thumbs-up to ordinance 2025‑09. Yes, it’s a zoning text amendment that promises to sprinkle the Planned Industrial (PI) zone with a little retail fairy dust—or, you know, just a couple of hotels and maybe a restaurant or two.
Staff labeled this ordinance as a “process-focused” change, which sounds vital until you realize it’s basically a fancy way of saying, “Let’s allow more fast food and less red tape.” Now we can welcome hotels, restaurants, and service stations into the previously austere world of PI land! Apparently, in this land of progress, the cap on retail/service uses has now changed from a paltry 15% to a whopping 30%. What’s next? Transforming the PI zone into the “Most Magical Place on Earth”?
The zoning administrator charmingly asserted that the amendment will “improve the process to allow local retail businesses or service shops.” Yes, nothing screams improvement like making it easier for local businesses to sell overpriced lattes and gluten-free pastries! Instead of burdening the mayor and council with every tiny amendment, the commission will just swipe left on those decisions and take the approving into their own hands. It’s like replacing a complicated video game with a simple card game—much less strategy, but who doesn’t love a good game of Go Fish?
Incremental change, they say, is key. One sharp commissioner chimed in about the brilliance of adding a hotel, which—surprisingly—was missing from the definition. Because, clearly, nothing says industrial quite like a Holiday Inn! The increase in acreage for retail use gives property owners “more flexibility”—so, basically, they have the wiggle room to squeeze in even more shops selling stuff we didn’t know we needed.
The commission just loves to emphasize that this amendment is all about reviewing processes. Just think of it as tidying up the bureaucratic closet. Site development standards? Well, those will be tackled later in a riveting sequel no one asked for. The zoning administrator assures us that this will be the start of a beautiful friendship (with proper zoning regulations)—in the sequel. Spoiler alert: there may be more meetings involved.
During the commission’s riveting deliberation, Attorney Kelly Schafer Miller showed up on behalf of the Carroll County Commerce Center’s owners. With practicing optimism that would make a motivational speaker proud, she supported the amendment and anticipated more developments. “We support the text amendment and request a favorable recommendation,” she cheerfully announced, making us wonder if she had just stepped off a motivational seminar stage.
In a burst of enthusiasm that could rival a pep rally, a motion was made, seconded, and accepted in a joyous chorus of yes votes. The commission’s recommendation will rocket its way to the mayor and common council for their official blessing—or perhaps to sit in limbo like an awkward family gathering. This ordinance is just a text amendment—no significant changes happen until the subsequent plan amendments are approved. So sit tight, folks! Your “new” industrial zone is still a waiting game.
What happens next? The recommendation will glide its way over to the powers that be—the mayor and the common council—who now hold the mighty scepter of authority to alter, embrace, or outright reject this ordinance. Will they accept it, or will it defeat their spirits and head straight to the circular file? Stay tuned for more episodes of “Zoning in Westminster,” complete with all the bureaucratic drama your heart can handle.
