FIFA: The Autocratic Wonderland of Football
I once believed that FIFA’s penchant for hosting the World Cup in autocratic regimes stemmed from a desire to avoid pesky distractions such as human rights or public sentiment. You know, the trivial matters that typically get in the way of raking in mountains of cash. But it turns out, my view was about as naive as assuming Recep Erdoğan is writing a self-help book on democracy because he enjoys reading.
FIFA President Gianni Infantino isn’t just cozying up to autocrats for an easy ride; he’s trying to learn from the titans of tyranny. His recent announcement, that tickets for next year’s World Cup final in the U.S. will start at a cool £3,120, reveals what a finely tuned money-making machine FIFA has become. That’s a staggering seven times more than last year’s entry fee in Qatar—though still a smidgen cheaper than the train ride from London to Manchester. Who knew sports could be this expensive?
FIFA has developed a full-fledged disdain for its very own fan base. Reflecting on past events, I recall that during the 2010 World Cup in South Africa, FIFA branched out into the judicial system, creating the Fifa World Cup Courts. Imagine: 56 courts set up for “justice,” prioritizing FIFA’s brand over the legal rights of fans who dared wear orange minidresses in support of a beer brand. What a time to be alive!
And if you think that was a low point, think again! These days, orange-clad faux fans are not just welcomed—they’re celebrated! At least, if they happen to resemble U.S. President Donald Trump, whose bizarre friendship with Infantino is a highlight reel of ridiculousness. If they offered a trophy for “Most Unlikely Alliances,” Trump and Infantino would win by a landslide.
As autocrats are wont to do, they thoroughly enjoy each other’s company. Who could forget Gianni’s prime seat at Trump’s inauguration, sitting just behind the tech barons, chuckling at Trump’s jab about renaming the Gulf of Mexico? You can’t make this stuff up! The bromance has grown so strong that it’s now a recurring joke—where’s Infantino? Oh, you know, just elbow-deep in Trump’s entourage, plotting their next power move over a game of football Monopoly.
Will Infantino eventually face the political woodchipper like so many before? Only time will tell. For now, Trump appears content to bask in the glow of FIFA’s extravagant dreams—complete with thoughts on rebranding American football. Is this what happens when you get booed at the Super Bowl? Position yourself as FIFA’s poster child and rake in a “Peace Prize”?
In the end, both the Olympics and the World Cup seem to have perfected the art of sidestepping local laws. Fortunately for us in the U.S., price-gouging for sports tickets is practically our constitutional right. This World Cup is set to be an expo of abusive agreements like those seen in non-democracies. Trump gets to play hardball with Democrat mayors over hosting rights while Infantino keeps pocketing ludicrous profits from the ticketing black market.
Unfortunately, fans—the peasants—are left to foot the bill. FIFA elections have morphed into a shadow game, where small nations are offered large sums to cater to the whims of the football elite. So as you sip your overpriced beverage while dreaming of a FIFA revolt in which fans storm Infantino’s palace with pitchforks and demand justice, stay tuned. It may be a long wait, but mark my words, the fans will eventually hold the receipts—even if they can’t afford the ticket!
