Desperate Funding for COVID Comedy: The Rash
In a plot twist worthy of a pandemic-themed sitcom, supporters of Health Secretary Robert F. Kennedy Jr. are scouring the couch cushions for spare change to fund a “hilarious” comedy about our collective COVID-19 experience. Introducing: The Rash, a light-hearted romp through the pandemic, with all the soul-sucking dread that entails.
Nicole Shanahan, erstwhile running mate to Kennedy in his 2024 presidential campaign and a self-proclaimed vaccine skeptic, has turned her pitch skills to Hollywood. She’s currently on a quest for investors, surely with the same fervor as someone hunting for a Wi-Fi signal in an elevator, to bring The Rash to life, a side-splitting vision penned by award-winning author Walter Kirn—not exactly the first name that springs to mind when you think “comedy director.”
Sources from Politico reveal that one of the film’s characters takes inspiration from National Institutes of Health (NIH) Director Jay Bhattacharya. If you recall, Bhattacharya skyrocketed to fame by challenging lockdown measures like a rebel with a cause…and a very questionable grasp of epidemiology. Just this week, he’s leveled up to acting director of the CDC, which means he might soon be writing the script for reality itself.
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The Rash is set to explore how a “health issue” can tickle the public’s funny bone while sowing seeds of fear and loathing. Mysterious skin conditions? You bet! A Stanford public health professor (clearly Bhattacharya in a lab coat and a “don’t tread on me” attitude) rallies against the mass hysteria surrounding an outbreak of—wait for it—an itchy rash. Yes, irony is the new black.
The pitch sent to prospective funders via the Brownstone Institute—whose credibility is probably buried somewhere under three feet of skepticism—claims that there are only two narratives for the COVID saga. The first: a horror story where a deadly pathogen emerges, prompting a miraculous vaccine. The second: a complex tale featuring rogue science experiments, propaganda, and lab rats who somehow can’t unsubscribe from the email list of misinformation.
And just when you thought it couldn’t get wilder, Shanahan—who once shared marital vows with billionaire Google co-founder Sergey Brin—decided to ride this cinematic rollercoaster as the executive producer. Because why focus on traditional revenue streams when you can fund an ambiguous critique of an ongoing health crisis?
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With a budget projected to reach nearly $6 million, The Rash has been slowly simmering in development hell—a state where comedies go to die. Kirn even teased a black-and-white trailer on social media because nothing says “I’m serious about this” quite like a low-fi teaser. Clooney might drop by for a cameo if the planet is still in one piece by the time they get rolling.
As Bhattacharya and Kirn chew the fat over this cinematic endeavor, it seems they share a mutual understanding about the debacle that was pandemic response. “Dr. Bhattacharya appreciates Kirn’s artistic integrity and his commitment to truth-telling,” an NIH spokesperson quipped. Perhaps the next great work of art deserves an even grander box office failure.
