Disclaimer: Just a friendly reminder that regulations have the consistency of a toddler’s mood swings. For the nitty-gritty on permitted uses and conditions, refer to the Unified Development Code. Good luck!
Residential Districts: Where Dreams Meet Reality
RE | Residential Estate: Picture a lovely one-acre plot where you can pretend to be a land baron and store all those broken dreams (or just lawn ornaments). This zone welcomes large-lot single-family homes and a select few agricultural activities. So, plant that garden, just don’t expect to grow money.
RS-20 | Residential Single-Family 20: Approximately half an acre for your suburban fantasies. Here, you’ll find the ideal setting for families who want to be just close enough to their neighbors—without needing to borrow sugar every weekend.
RS-15 | Residential Single-Family 15: Enter the world of 15,000-square-foot lots, where detached homes are low in density and high in potential neighborly suspicion. Just remember, everyone is watching; yes, even your lawn gnomes.
RS-7.2 | Residential Single-Family 7.2: Think of this as the hipster brother of RS-15, where your 7,200-square-foot lot is the perfect canvas for low-density splendor. Less space means more excuses to avoid hosting BBQs—because who really wants to be responsible for charred hot dogs?
RM-12 | Residential Medium-Density 12: A little more crowded, yet still classy! This is home to a plethora of residential styles: singles, duplexes, townhouses—the Tinder of housing designs. Just don’t overcrowd your social calendar with too many BBQ invites.
RMF-22 | Residential Multi-Family 22: Here’s your opportunity to live in high-density harmony—22 units per acre! It’s like a family reunion with strangers; who doesn’t love sharing wall space? Perfect for those who crave the delight of community living while still wondering who left the empty pizza boxes in the hall.
Non-Residential Districts: Where Dreams Go to Work
LO | Limited Office: Ideal for small-scale, low-intensity professional offices that are *just* shy of replacing Grandma’s house. Think of it as the transitional awkward phase of real estate—one foot in the residential world, the other, occasionally tripping into commercial land.
OC | Office Commercial: It’s business time for serious folk in search of high-quality offices and retail that might actually make you feel like someone cares about your needs (even if it’s just your accountant). Don’t worry, you can still avoid human interaction.
NC | Neighborhood Commercial: The neighborhood’s answer to daily needs. This is where you’ll find those businesses you didn’t know you needed—because who doesn’t want a coffee shop where you can argue over the best type of almond milk?
CC | Community Commercial: A bustling site for community and regional shopping centers; imagine a lively space filled with retail stores and restaurants vying for your attention (and wallet). If you like variety with a side of chaos, this is your place!
Overlay and Planned Development Districts: The Icing on the Cake
APO | Airport Overlay: Because loud airplanes flying over your tranquil home are *so* 2020! This overlay ensures that the peace and quiet of your life collide beautifully with the thunderous roar of air traffic.
CDO | Conservation District Overlay: The responsible adult in the room, protecting neighborhoods by preserving their distinct character. It’s like putting your favorite vinyl record in a glass case—safeguarding culture from the horrors of modern development.
DNO | Downtown Neighborhood Overlay: Aimed at promoting new residential development in the heart of downtown—a place where your dreams of urban living and potential noise levels will peacefully coexist. Mixed-use projects are preferred, like peanut butter and jelly, except with more noise complaints.
PD | Planned Development: This district offers the promise of flexibility in exchange for public benefits. It’s the equivalent of promising a dog a treat for sitting on command—a well-crafted deal that might just leave you wondering who’s getting the real benefits.
