In the whimsical world of movies, some stars resemble onions. Before you unleash a torrent of “Shrek” quotes at me, let me clarify: I’m not talking about layers (though many of them do have those too). No, I mean that these actors blend into any genre like a well-prepared ratatouille. Think Florence Pugh or Jesse Plemons. You toss them in a comedy, a romance, or even a Guy Ritchie thriller, and voilà! No culinary disasters here! Dakota Johnson, however, isn’t an onion. She’s more of a… an exotic, one-of-a-kind fruit often left sitting alone at the salad bar.
At 35, Dakota Johnson, the illustrious offspring of Don Johnson and Melanie Griffith, is navigating one of the most peculiar acting trajectories imaginable. She rocketed to fame as the captivating Anastasia Steele in 2015’s “Fifty Shades of Grey”—a cinematic feast that was equal parts deliciously seductive and abysmally ridiculous. Johnson’s performance was commendable, but she also got a hefty serving of public disdain. Post-2015, her career has been a rollercoaster of promising peaks (think Luca Guadagnino’s “Suspiria”) and cringe-worthy lows (last year’s “Madame Web,” a Marvel flick that was much more drivel than drama). Her latest venture, “Materialists,” should have been the pièce de résistance but instead arrives like a slightly expired fruitcake.
The conundrum isn’t that Johnson lacks talent; it’s that she has a very specific toolkit. With her soft-spoken yet distinctly articulated voice—think ASMR channeled through a martini—she risks sounding monotonous with the wrong script. When she’s not acting, glimpses of a dry, caustic humor seep through, as evidenced when she publicly grilled Ellen DeGeneres over a phantom party invite. It’s a delightful, sassy vibe, yet Hollywood seems more invested in suppressing it than exploring it. Why, dear film gods, must we imprison the glittering personality behind the glass?
On paper, “Materialists” appears to be the ideal role for Johnson. Directed by Celine Song—who earned showered accolades post her Oscar-nominated “Past Lives”—it promises a rich romantic drama with an intriguing premise: Johnson plays a high-end matchmaker for the wealthy. One would expect her character to be layered and multifaceted, revealing the avarice and combativeness lurking beneath her polished exterior. However, in practice, the script reads like the aftermath of a word salad, leaving Johnson flailing for both complexity and comedic relief.
Let’s not be unfair: “Materialists” isn’t quite on par with “Madame Web”—a film that was so poorly conceived it humorously stumbled into unintentional camp territory. Yet this marks Johnson’s second consecutive summer showcasing a cinematic blunder. Bad movie criticism doesn’t appear to roll off her like Teflon; she has a collection of three Golden Raspberry awards, including one for—gasp—“Madame Web.” True, the Razzies are dubious from a moral standpoint, but they often reflect the general audience’s reaction much like a mirror in a funhouse: distorting, but not entirely false. Johnson, ever the sport, has spent the past year poking fun at her own cinematic missteps, which is amusing, if somewhat tragic.
Ironically, as “Materialists” approached its US release, Johnson showcased her stellar on-screen charisma in a different light. Her appearance on “Hot Ones,” the YouTube show that combines spicy wings with uncomfortable queries, became one of the series’ most entertaining episodes. Giddy interactions with Pedro Pascal and hilariously candid moments during her Vanity Fair lie detector interview made the rounds—yet still, Hollywood clings to the less engaging scripts like a favorite pair of sweatpants. When, oh when, will someone hand her a role befitting her offbeat charm?
Johnson’s predicament is hardly unique. The film industry is overcrowded with talented actors whose personalities are stifled by the rigid constraints of Hollywood scripts. Stars like Keke Palmer and Jennifer Lawrence often find themselves relegated to roles that inadequately showcase their natural charm. Yet few are so gloriously misused as Johnson, whose vibrant quirks shine like a beacon, while her weaknesses are laid bare.
Perhaps it’s telling that Johnson has confined her majestic talents exclusively to cinema; her TV stint—an unremarkable role in “Ben and Kate”—is but a footnote. While others have soared to TV triumphs to find the roles they deserve, Johnson remains a steadfast movie star. She has yet to earn the label of a “streaming star”—that dismal byproduct of modern stardom. It appears she simply needs the right films to match her prowess. Here’s hoping the universe aligns soon, before she becomes the quirky onion at the bottom of the barrel.
“Materialists” graces cinemas starting August 13. May the gods of cinema shine brightly upon it—and upon Dakota Johnson.
