Florida AG’s Side Hustle: A Comedy of Budgeting

In a shocking revelation that might just redefine the term “ambition,” Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier is pulling in a cool $100,000 for just two hours of weekly teaching at the University of Florida. That’s right—only two hours! Meanwhile, his annual salary rests comfortably at $140,000. Talk about a lucrative part-time gig! If only they handed out Nobel Prizes for this level of budget management.

When faced with this financial windfall, Uthmeier expressed that he’s simply trying “to keep the lights on and keep food on the table.” Ah yes, because who among us hasn’t felt the strain of keeping the dining room lit while munching on caviar? Let’s just presume that if his overhead costs ever include a solar panel, he’ll be teaching class from a yacht.

Of course, we could dive into the ethical quandaries here—if we squinted hard enough. But let’s be honest: this is America, where the gap between “what you need” and “what you can afford” often resembles the Mighty Mississippi. Just when you think you’re broke, someone comes along to show you economic creativity: like a magician pulling a rabbit from a hat, Uthmeier pulls money from thin air (or the state budget, specifics are fuzzy).

Now, let’s talk about these two class hours. Statistically speaking, that means Uthmeier is raking in $50,000 per hour. At that rate, I might be convinced to take up teaching myself. If I can find a way to strategically approach a community college with my profound expertise on… let’s say, the fine art of procrastination, I might have enough side money for that yacht Uthmeier seems so fond of.

Meanwhile, the students at UF are getting an introduction to the legal world from someone who likely practices law while balancing a checkbook adorned with commas galore. Can you imagine the opening lecture? “Welcome to Constitutional Law: where the Constitution is just a guideline and our financial planning is a work of abstract art.” Sign me up!

But on a serious note, one cannot help but wonder if transparency and public service jobs really should intertwine this way. It’s a slippery slope, really, like trying to walk on a banana peel while juggling flaming swords. One wrong step, and it gives a whole new meaning to “keeping the lights on”—one might just find themselves illuminated under the glare of the media spotlight.

In the end, we can all learn something from Uthmeier’s situation. If you ever find yourself in a financial pickle, just remember: sometimes the best money-saving hack is sticking a little side hustle next to your day job. Who knew juggling two jobs could be so profitable? Just make sure it’s a job that won’t leave you too burned out or in a sticky situation—especially if those side hustles are on public funds!