Alcohol and sound decision-making are not exactly best pals. There’s nothing like ten shots of tequila to crumple resumes of spatial awareness and critical thinking—not exactly ideal when we want to wake up with happy memories.
But let’s flip the narrative. If there’s any silver lining in the tipsy tornado, it’s undoubtedly the larger-than-life stories you might (hopefully) remember, or that loyal friend who’ll recount your shenanigans with a chuckle.
Every corner of the internet, from TikTok to Reddit, is brimming with confessions of utterly ridiculous things people have done under the influence. The outcomes are an eclectic mix of side-splitting and somewhat tragic. Hang tight as we dive into these tales, and if you have a story worthy of a spot beside these, we’re all ears.
I wrecked my car, woke up in the ICU with a life-support tube and a thermometer wedged where it shouldn’t be. No surprise, I got a DUI, clocking in with a BAC of .366. But hey, two days later in the hospital, I called a treatment center and got myself a program. Fast forward to a year and five months—still sober. Silver linings, right?
Drunk me is a certified hoarder. I wake up with a throbbing headache, searching for my keys, wallet, purse, and shoes. Where are they? Oh, one key’s in the freezer next to some frozen fruit. Wallet? Found it in that dusty DVD bag I haven’t touched since moving. One shoe’s on the kitchen counter—naturally—and the other is tucked under a blanket I didn’t even remember buying. Why?!
Crying into my friend’s dog for two hours at her house because dogs don’t talk. My friend had to phone my boyfriend and another buddy to calm me down. Her mom? Laughing in the corner. Priorities.
Climbed onto a roof, but instead of sending postcards from the top, I fell asleep and woke up to the glorious sunrise, crying because heights terrify me, and I had no clue how to descend without a parachute. #EpicFail
Not the worst, but still worth mentioning—I ordered wings and saved some for sober me only to find I had disposed of the wings and saved the bones in the fridge. #NailedIt.
Woke up to find $20 in my wallet, thinking, “Fabulous! Only spent $40!” Check my bank account later to discover another $200 drained throughout the night. Thanks, drunk me!
