HOUSTON – Well, folks, brace yourselves, because the Astros organization is all set for another season of grand baseball theatrics, starring none other than the lime-green enigma known as Orbit. Yes, that’s right—the alien in an Astros jersey, complete with two adorable baseball antennas, is back and ready to entertain.
Orbit doesn’t just hang around during baseball season, oh no. This charismatic extraterrestrial is working around the clock, dazzling fans at Minute Maid Park and likely making the stars in the sky jealous with his dazzling antics.
“We do probably 300+ appearances a year, plus our regular season, our postseason, and spring training games,” quipped Richard Tapia, the spokesperson for this busy lime-green wonder. I mean, what better way to earn a living than by dressing up as an alien and dancing for school kids? Take notes, recent grads!
Speaking of school kids, Orbit makes an impressive annual tour, hitting about 100 schools. Just this past Monday, he made quite an entrance at Humble Elementary. In a shocking twist, students and faculty wore their Astros gear as if it was the unspoken dress code.
“We use Orbit as a vehicle to reach our young fans and give a really good message to them as well,” Tapia explained. Because nothing says life advice like an alien bouncing around teaching character! What’s next—a tea party with the Tooth Fairy?
During this day of edutainment, Orbit schooled the kiddos on the six pillars of character, all while playing games and presumably sabotaging teacher’s dignity in a dance-off. Because who needs to take teachers seriously when an alien is throwing down moves?
“I learned that being like good character is being really good and it’s being respectful,” proclaimed six-year-old Juan Briones, the latest ambassador of Orbit’s space-aged wisdom. Clearly, this pint-sized fan of the Astros has his priorities straight. After all, as he put it, “It’s so fun that baseball’s life.” Who knew youth philosophy could be so… green?
“To have Orbit that they see at baseball games every night come to their school, it means a lot to them and I think it means a lot to the administration,” Tapia concluded, as if it were common to make life-altering decisions based on the presence of a lime-green mascot.
Now, as we gallivant towards the Astros’ Opening Day, one can only wonder what outrageous exploits Orbit will embark on next. Will he visit a tax office next, teaching lessons on financial literacy and saving for college? At this point, anything is possible.
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