In a shopping centre far from ordinary, the Jervis shopping mall turned into a battleground for property moguls last week, proving yet again that every shopper is just one misguided investment choice away from becoming a tycoon. Up to 13 first-round offers were presented as if they were sushi platters at an all-you-can-eat buffet, for a once-sought-after gem quietly put up for sale by its owners, Paddy McKillen and Padraig Drayne, who had the good fortune to develop the place back in the ’90s—when the most pressing question was whether to wear a fanny pack or cargo shorts while shopping.
This is the first time since its grand debut that the Jervis shopping centre has joined the property auction scene, like an introverted teenager finally deciding to attend prom. Among the bidders were some big names that sound like they could double as superhero organizations: The Comer Group, Hines, Lugus Capital, and Patron Capital, not to mention David Goddard’s Lanthorn, which sounds suspiciously like a character from a fantasy novel.
The bidding followed some impressive action for Marlet’s trio of retail parks—because who doesn’t want three parks when one might suffice? They also had attracted ten initial bids, which is a real testament to the fact that retail is currently the shining star of the property world. Unlike the sagging office spaces that are about as appealing as last week’s leftovers, retail is thriving despite dire forecasts made during the pandemic—a real plot twist worthy of a summer blockbuster.
According to estate agents, retail accounted for half of all property deals in the first quarter—yes, the segment didn’t just show up; it performed like a rock star at a sold-out concert. Meanwhile, the US-based Realty Income is like that American cousin who comes for a visit and overstays their welcome, spending €220 million on retail parks because who needs savings when you can have eight retail parks to show off?
Turns out, the rumors of retail’s demise during the pandemic were as exaggerated as the claims of “low-calorie” snacks. AIB reported a 2% uptick in in-store spending—proof that people are trading their pajama bottoms for real pants and venturing out into the wild. The EY Future Consumer index even showed that seven out of ten shoppers prefer real-life stores for their everyday items—because apparently, nothing beats the thrill of trying on shoes that will ultimately hurt your feet.
Retail Excellence Ireland’s CEO, Jean McCabe, pointed out that customers are returning to stores not just to buy things, but for the “customer experience,” whatever that mystical creature may be. Stores are adding more entertainment options, food and drink selections, and local brands, which is great news for those of us who like our shopping to come with calories and visual stimuli.
Brendan McDowell, founder of BPerfect Cosmetics, decided to venture into physical stores after discovering the joys of touching products instead of just staring at them online. He opened 13 stores, emphatically stating, “When we first opened, there were a lot of empty units.” Well, isn’t that just the retail dream? It’s like finding treasure in a field of lost hopes and bad investments.
As for the Jervis shopping centre, even Mike Ashley’s Frasers Group took a peek, maybe considering it a nice trophy for their collection of retail properties. However, with the asking price of €120 million—excluding the car park, because who would want that valuable piece of real estate anyway?—it’s clear that prime retail spaces are the new gold mines, but only for those with deep pockets and a passion for risking everything on bricks and mortar instead of Bitcoin.
The market is bustling with potential buyers focusing on retail parks that promise yields around 6%—the kind of numbers that make investors dream more than any late-night infomercial about getting rich quick. However, challenges remain. It’s nearly impossible to find new retail space since the last park was developed eons ago (2007, to be precise), while the only sizable addition since was placed in receivership. Still, with occupancy hovering near 100%, one could argue retail is experiencing its neon renaissance, proving yet again that shopping—like physical comedy—will never truly die.
Remember, while shopping centre owners bicker over billions, the rest of us are just trying to stretch our hard-earned cash. In a world where bricks and mortar face heavy competition from online giants, this comedic tale of retail persistence serves as an amusing reminder that delusions of grandeur still reign supreme. So while the moneymakers battle it out for Jervis, the rest of us will quietly enjoy our coffee and shopping spree—one clearance rack at a time.
