My Misadventures in Saints Row: Side Hustles and Joyrides
So, there I was, immersed in the chaotic world of Saints Row, where the only thing more unpredictable than the traffic is the dialogue. In the pre-release build, I discovered a couple of Side Hustles that made me question my life choices—mostly surrounding my inclination toward becoming a professional criminal.
Riding Shotgun: A Lesson in Turret 101
One delightful endeavor dubbed “Riding Shotgun” started with a drug deal gone hilariously wrong. Picture this: me, perched like a glorified human turret on top of a moving car. Ah yes, nothing screams responsible decision-making like strapping yourself to a fast-moving vehicle during a criminal escapade. I mean, who needs safety when you can lay down fire from the rooftop while your buddy buzzes through the streets like a bat out of hell?
Wingsuiting with a Side of Regret
Sure, I had dabbled in wingsuiting before, but “Riding Shotgun” gave me the real hands-on experience I never knew I needed. I can now confirm that nothing says “teamwork” quite like trying not to drop your weapon or, heaven forbid, your soda while leaping onto car roofs. Co-op play? More like co-op chaos. But honestly, if I’m going to spend my time in gaming, it might as well include a touch of vehicular manslaughter—or at least a thrill ride that feels slightly less illegal.
Pony Express: Get Ready to Race and Regret
Then comes the Side Hustle known as “Pony Express,” where bravery takes the form of racing across the city—not for glory, mind you, but to deliver a package faster than the speed of bad decisions. It was my first taste of vehicular euphoria, and let me tell you, nothing could prepare me for navigating this chaotic town filled with more twists and turns than a soap opera plot.
Exploring the Urban Jungle
Driving around in a souped-up dune buggy, I couldn’t resist the temptation to veer off-road like a rebellious teenager during a final exam. On one exhilarating ride, I decided to ditch the busy streets for a shallow waterway and some train tracks—because who doesn’t want to engage in a game of “let’s see how many traffic laws we can break in one go”? It was both thrilling and questionable. Just another normal day in Santo Ileso.
NOS: The Beautiful Instigator of Decisions
As I pumped NOS into the engine, I felt a rush of adrenaline akin to the last time I decided to spontaneously cut my own hair. While I zoomed through the desert, sheer joy radiated through me—until I remembered that I was on a clock and failure would ultimately lead to disappointment, or worse, my character being angrily revived by my co-op partner like a zombie on caffeine. Now that’s motivation!
Precision vs. Recklessness
But let’s not ignore that the more direct route through Santo Ileso’s streets is like threading a needle blindfolded; precision is key. Sure, you might hit the freeway faster, but that involves skill, which I apparently left in my other pants. Weaving through traffic like a pinball is undeniably exhilarating—if you enjoy the thrill of near-misses and vehicular ballet where you’re the only dancer.
Conclusion: Side Hustles—Why Not?
In conclusion, engaging in these Side Hustles has been a rollercoaster of questionable decision-making, ironic challenges, and the occasional runaway dune buggy. If you’re in it for the thrills, absurdities, and to ponder why exactly government support is not available for this reckless lifestyle, then Saints Row is your playground. Just be sure to bring your sense of humor—and possibly a helmet.
