By Megan Harwood-Baynes, expert in cost-of-living chaos
Well, folks, ASOS is rolling out the red carpet for customer loyalty—right into a fitting room full of returns! Customers are getting booted for returning too many items, and apparently, all because one woman expressed a simple truth: “Sorry I had a child and my postpartum body doesn’t fit your inconsistent sizes.” Who knew honesty could be such a crime?
Last year, in what can only be described as a bid to quell the “returning revolution,” ASOS unveiled their sparkling new ‘fair use policy.’ It’s like a party invite, but only if you promise never to use it—which makes absolutely no sense but hey, it’s the fashion industry!
Meet Frankie, a long-standing customer of ASOS for over 20 years, which, in dog years, is practically an eternity. Now ten months postpartum, she’s on a mission to find the elusive “correct size.” “Imagine the thrill of ordering various sizes,” she told Money, probably while crossing her fingers for even a hint of consistency. But alas, disappointment awaited her, as some sizes are like that mystery ingredient in your recipe: completely unpredictable.
Despite holding on to nearly £700 worth of merchandise this year, Frankie found it necessary to return items that didn’t fit or, shockingly, were faulty! “Being a returning customer doesn’t equate to being unloyal,” she quipped, a sentiment reflected in the countless online comments echoing her frustrations. You have to wonder—what is loyalty worth if your size is treated like a game of roulette?
Let’s discuss those “faulty” jeans, shall we? It seems even ASOS quality control took a holiday. Frankie lamented, “I was just as dissatisfied receiving faulty jeans as they were having to refund me.” And I thought shopping was supposed to be therapeutic! Instead, it’s turning women into undoing their self-esteem at the return desk.
It appears Frankie isn’t the only one left scratching her head in confusion. Another user on the social media site X shared her sorrow: “Had this account for years and always order from ASOS, but clearly loyalty isn’t recognized since I had my account closed when I inquired about it.” Apparently, ASOS has established a new loyalty program called “use it or lose it,” which sounds more like a threat than an incentive.
So, what gives? ASOS announced they’re slashing the free returns policy, out of nowhere, like a magician who shows you the deck of cards before pulling a rabbit out of their hat—or shutting down customer accounts. Their reasoning is as lofty as their prices: “Serial returners” would be forced to cough up £3.95 for sending stuff back unless they spent a minimum of £40. Apparently, consistency is overrated—unless you’re perfectly fitting into their clothes, in which case you definitely get the golden ticket!
But don’t despair! ASOS reassured customers that only a “small group” of accounts was affected by this seismic shift. Because nothing says “we care” like telling loyal customers they’re part of a statistics experiment gone wrong. ASOS concluded with a heartwarming statement, “This helps us maintain our commitment to offering free returns to all customers across all core markets.” Meanwhile, the rest of us now need to keep a return diary, chronicling which items might just get us permanently banned. Cheers to that!
