Tom Brady, the GOAT of quarterbacks (or so he says), has been on a quest for greatness for the past 23 NFL seasons. Mission accomplished! Now that he’s enjoying the retired life, he seems to have misplaced his focus. Between calling games for Fox and promoting everything from crypto to a highly dubious chimney-building venture in Birmingham, his post-NFL life looks like an episode of “American Pickers” gone wrong. Is it a master plan or just a resume of side hustles? You decide!
But let’s talk about his latest gig—running the Raiders. Spoiler: it’s not going well. After a resounding 24-10 loss to the Browns, the Raiders now hold a sparkling 2-9 record. Yes, that’s right, the team was outperformed by a quarterback who was so new to the NFL that he needed a job orientation. The Raiders’ offense averaged a breathtaking 2.9 yards per play before the fourth quarter, when the game moved into “garbage time”—the sweet, sweet limbo of sports where losing teams collect statistical pity points.
To be fair to Brady, he’s only been the “football czar” for a hot minute—since becoming a minority owner in 2024. But let’s not kid ourselves; every poor decision last offseason has his fingerprints all over them. The Raiders, previously wallowing in mediocrity, have now reached new depths. Apparently, rebuilding a team involves breaking it first.
You would think a franchise with a 74-year-old coach like Pete Carroll would be on a fast track to success, but instead, he may find himself soaring toward a one-and-done career in Vegas—sort of like an ill-fated showgirl. Instead of returning the Raiders to relevance, Carroll seems to be orchestrating a masterclass in mediocrity. Everyday is a “Groundhog Day” moment! They’re back to square one with yet another rebuild.
Of course, Brady can’t take all the blame. Mark Davis, the majority owner, has been juggling coaches and managers at a rate that would make a speed-dater gaze in awe. They’re on their seventh coach and fifth general manager in 15 years! By now, the Raiders should have all the pieces together, but it looks like they’re collecting statistics instead of wins.
Brady’s enthusiasm was evident when he hired his pal John Spytek to be the general manager. So they might as well add some popcorn and the circus music for the upcoming Raiders show! He fueled a roster plan that included more questionable trades than a flea market. Meanwhile, the team looks more confused than a chameleon in a bag of Skittles—totally disoriented with an outdated philosophy, and the players are probably Googling “How to play football again.”
So what’s next in this “Brady-run experiment”? Will Carroll still be around, or is he on the path to home decor with a side of “what was I thinking”? Will any young rookies see the field, or will it be a parade of fatigued veterans? The Raiders are teetering precariously, clutching desperately to the hope that they can still turn this ship around. But with a division filled with playoff contenders, the Raiders need more than good intentions—they need a plan. And a GPS wouldn’t hurt either.
MVP of the Week
Jahmyr Gibbs, running back for the Detroit Lions, is the week’s surprise hero. He wrangled together a staggering 264 scrimmage yards and three touchdowns against the Giants, leading his team to a miraculous 34-27 overtime victory. Reports say he moved faster than the Raiders in their last game—quicker than lightning itself!
Video of the Week
Holy Prescott! Dak rolled into the end zone to tie the game against the Eagles. After trailing 21-0, the Cowboys turned the tide, claiming a 24-21 victory. Prescott is now the franchise leader in passing yards, and who says fourth-round picks can’t pull weight? It’s quite the achievement, even if he did need to step over Romo’s halo to get there.
Stat of the Week
TJ Watt just snagged his 105th career sack, surpassing his Hall of Fame brother JJ. The Watts are the only duo to each log over 100 sacks—proving that sibling rivalry can be positively entertaining! JJ’s comment? “This is preposterous! I’m gonna put the pads back on!”
Elsewhere Around the League
Jaxon Smith-Njigba shattered receiving records for the Seahawks, racking up 1,313 yards by Week 12. It’s safe to say he’s become a key part of Seattle’s identity!
The Giants’ interim coach Mike Kafka put up a valiant fight against the Lions, showcasing some chaotic play-calling and unexpected moments. Gotta love an interim coach going all-in!
All eyes should be on Matthew Stafford as he rolled out three touchdowns in the Rams’ latest win. With two interceptions all season, he’s proving MVP-worthy vibes!
The Vikings are scratching their heads over JJ McCarthy’s struggles. After a loss to Green Bay, maybe he needs a breather—at least to recalibrate before stepping back into the game.
