The military flyovers at NFL games are absurd.

The US Air Force Thunderbirds perform a flyover at Super Bowl LIII at Mercedes-Benz Stadium in February of 2019 in Atlanta, Ga. (Kevin C. Cox / Getty)

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Ah, NFL announcers Joe Buck and Troy Aikman, the proud, “we know better than you” heroes of gridiron banter. Buck, the son of legend Jack Buck, and Aikman, whose good looks dramatically outshine his insights, found themselves in a little hot-mic situation. You know, just two buddies talking about how much jet fuel is wasted for the sake of a showy flyover over a predominantly empty Raymond James Stadium in Tampa.

Aikman, with a sage nod to reality, declared, “That’s a lot of jet fuel just to do a little flyover.” His partner Buck chimes in with, “That’s your hard-earned money and your tax dollars at work!” Nothing says “patriotism” like a casual jab at taxpayer-funded flyovers, am I right? And for the pièce de résistance, Aikman had the audacity to say the military flyovers wouldn’t happen under a “Kamala-Biden ticket.” Just imagine the horror of no jets swooping in to remind us of the glory of American exceptionalism!

Naturally, social media erupted like a toddler with a tantrum—how dare these two red, white, and blue shills speak ill of the most glorious flying display since the dawn of the jet age? Troy’s take on the future of military flyovers under a Democrat ticket might be interpreted as a dig, but hey, let’s chalk it up to miscommunication—everybody knows that criticizing the military is like registering for a lifetime supply of backlash.

After realizing he had ignited a dumpster fire, Aikman took to Twitter, desperately clutching an emotional American flag emoji like it was his last lifeboat on the Titanic. Apparently, stating the obvious—that military flyovers over empty stadiums are odd—was a classic “oops!” moment. Who needs to waste taxpayer dollars on liable criticisms when you can just wave a flag and declare your unwavering patriotism?

But can we all agree that “Hot mic Troy” was onto something? To our friendly neighborhood military flyovers that can cost upwards of $80,000 for a spectacle that literally does nothing but burn a ton of jet fuel—maybe we could channel that money into something somewhat less juvenile. I don’t know—perhaps feeding the million-plus newly impoverished folks or providing hospitals with actual protective equipment? What a radical thought!

Yet, in the NFL, no one dares to stray from the military’s tight grip. After all, the owners have spent years accusing a certain quarterback of being “anti-military” for merely kneeling during the anthem. In the age of sky-high flyover bills, it has become sacrilegious to voice dissent. The truth is, no one thinks about the environmental cost when internalizing the implicit message that, in America, “Football is war.” The irony drips heavier than the jet fuel they waste.

It’s time we end these grandiose flyovers that serve as promotional tactics for recruitment while dumping fossil fuels into the atmosphere. It’s not just an NFL problem; it’s an American problem. So let’s raise our glasses—preferably filled with some fine wine from our club—to defunding the Pentagon, saving the planet, and unshackling the NFL from its military obsession. Because if we’re going to burn money, maybe it should at least be worth the burn.